He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
