somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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