Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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