he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
