every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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