just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
