Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
