dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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