I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
