she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
