i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
