He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
