I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
