that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
