You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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