im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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