So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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