I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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