he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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