I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
