If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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