Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
