Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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