So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
