No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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