i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
