nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
