I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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