thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
