i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
