is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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