Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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We are two peas in an std pod
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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