Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
