We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
