I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
