I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
