It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
