dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
MIDGETS
????
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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