I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
