He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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