I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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