Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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