dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
