I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
