You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
