There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
