I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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