Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
