Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
