bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
