You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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