i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
