She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
