I met the friendliest cop last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
