just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
