I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
