I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
