This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
