i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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