Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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