i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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