I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You dont lie about slip and slides
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
