In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
