so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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