I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
