I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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