i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
