Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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