Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
