I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
