i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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