Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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